How many friends do you have? How do you define a friend? How close are you with your friends? What do you look for in a friend? How do you think your friends would describe your relationship?
In my previous post, I discussed the importance of doing things that make you feel fulfilled. For myself, that is spending quality time with my friends. This doesn't necessarily mean it's a source of fulfillment for everyone, but at the very least I would suggest everyone benefits from having a friend.
Humans are social beings that thrive off companionship. I cannot think of one activity that is more enjoyable for one to do alone. Sports, buying groceries, watching a movie, going on a hike, and everything in between, are all more enjoyable when you can do it with at least one other person. Even activities that are better suited for one person, like drawing or painting, being able to share the finished product with others is fulfilling.
While I'm only 22, the experiences and memories I have with my friends are something I'll cherish for the rest of my life. Group vacations, street hockey, spontaneous activities, and simply spending hours talking are things I will look back on fondly. Fortunately, I am at an age where I am able to continue making memories with my friends.
Quality over Quantity
One thing worth noting about my social circle is that it is not vast. While it may be subjective to define what a big social circle is, I can practically count the number of friends I have on two hands. I do spend time with people I do not consider my friends, such as co-workers and those that I keep in touch with from high school. While I don't consider them friends, this doesn't mean I dont like these people or don't enjoy spending time with them. The distinguishing factor between my friends and others is that I would be happy to spend most of my free time with my friends.
When going through tough times, I know my friends will be there for me. I know they will support me and do anything they can to help. This isn't to say my co-workers and acquaintances wouldn't be there for me, but they do not have the same understanding of me that my friends have. Only a select amount of people fully understand and appreciate who I am. These are the people I call my friends. I would rather have three friends that I am really close with, than 20 people that I consider aquaintances. The fulfillment provided from these quality relationships provide more value to your life than many diluted relationships.
"To some strength is measured in numbers but to me strength is measured in character. — Donavan Nelson Butler
Don't just take my word for it. Professor Robert Waldinger of Harvard was part of a team that conducted a 75 year study on what makes a good life. I would strongly encourage you to watch this TED talk from him, but I will briefly outline the main points.
The study followed over 700 men from Boston throughout their lives to identify the factors that led to discrepancies in their lives. The study found that the men who were the healthiest and happiest were the one's that were satisfied with the relationships in their life. The men that were most satisfied with the relationships at age 50 were the healthiest by age 80. Waldinger explicitly states that the quantity did not matter for the outcome for happiness and health. Quality relationships help us to live healthier lives physically and mentally.
It doesn't matter if your quality relationships come from family or friends. What matters is that you have quality relationships. If you feel like your relationships could be strengthened, make an effort to do just that. Make sure your loved ones know how much you appreciate having them in your life. Do your best to maintain these relationships.
Focus on your quality relationships. Invest your time into the people that appreciate it the most. Identify the people the people that you are proud to call your friends.
—Rob
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